Of Mice and Men, the N-word, Cultural Otherness, and other Craziness

Any serious trouble that has ever threatened me in my employment as a high school English teacher has always come out of the blue. Just today, on the 10th of June, with nine days left in the school year, I had one of those episodes that always make me question this job. I am not a perfect teacher or employee, but the dangerous stuff is always the wildest, and initially the most ridiculous nonsense, that nevertheless grows in magnitude due to the nuttiness of our times.

To whit (already!)

I walked into my period 5 soph class today to find a former student, a junior, in my room, with one of my personal books in my hand. The student is a repeating junior, black male. That he is black is important.

The book is “Nigger”, by Randall Kennedy. Praise for the book on the back cover includes:

The best way to get rid of a problem is to hold it up to the bright light and look at all sides of it. . .[Andy Rooney]

and

Calm, correct, informative. [The New York Observer]

I include the quotes because I couldn't tell you what the book is like. It was loaned me a year ago by a colleague while we were discussing teaching race and racial epithets in conjunction with "To Kill a Mockingbird."

(Isn't this interesting: This explanation already sounds like an apologia.)

I was not very accomodating to the student, because any accusation of racism is laughable, and because despite this that is exactly what was on his agitated mind. Unfortunately, I have had one other serious instance of a student projecting her own issues on me (not race related), and I have lost all patience with it.

I was more upset about a student taking a personal book off a shelf containing personal books. (It was not prominently displayed, but mixed in with various books.)

Since this all happened in front of class, a diverse group, and since we had just finished Of Mice and Men, and since I was mad and didn't want to be a phony by going back to the "regularly scheduled lecture", I brought it up by way of discussing the race issue in the novel. Crooks, the black stable hand who is an Outsider on the Soledad ranch because of his race.

These issues are close to impossible. Am I a fake hero for addressing it? How loud is the silence if you don't discuss race and the N-word?

I have several immigrant students in class, and when we discussed the sensation of being an outsider, but also about being an insider/outsider and the emotional confusion that can cause, I feel like it really rang true for them. Especially the idea that becoming fluent in a culture is a success, but also possibly creates that ingenuine sensation, where you feel like you are putting on a self.

Mostly, though, I can't help but really resent being 'projected on' by a student I've been cordial with for four years. This issue, the unexpected bomshell, is what most scares me about this profession. As a favorite author, Tony Hillerman, has written "Coyote waits".

Right now I am watching the Boston Public episode that deals with a teacher discussing the N-word in his class, through use of the Randall Kennedy book.

I don't know what to expect tomorrow.

Probably more later, when I am less or more pissed off.