Cultural Success
I think this part of the letter puts something in a nutshell: the discrepancy in your ‘cultural success’ in different environments. I’d love to hear from you, Art, on this one, or anyone out there with similar experience. Putting aside most possibilities of insincere blarney that might charm a visitor into thinking that he or she really is special (not an insubstantial thing to do, the Irish sure can shmooze you—and laugh at you if you lap it up) I have had too many experiences of blending, and more than blending, in Ireland, that I rarely experience here. Okay, let me say it: For example, women. I’ve had attractive girlfriends in America, if not a parade of them. :-)
In Ireland, I have had women blatantly smile at me on buses in Dublin, approach me on the street to talk, even grab, er, body parts, in clubs. I know it might be I stick out as a foreigner because of dress, tan, etc., but some of these times I know I was in stealth mode: pale and pasty in December and decked out in Marks and Sparks. I don’t know why my mind drifts to this topic, cough, by way of example of cultural success, but it’s true. These things don’t tend to happen in the States. I can come up with more dainty topics, or maybe you can. But, what about Karma, or something, just flat out telling you where you fit in successfully?
Here’s a great topic: If you’re experienced in two places, let us know: Does one place seem to just hand success in social or other situations over to you, while another doesn’t quite seem to fit?
posted by Borderliner at 10:47 PM
2 Comments:
This is an interesting point, and it sounds as if it was more interesting for you than it was for me! I think a lot of it has to do with how cultural success is defined. If you define it as assimilation then I would think that lack of attention would be the yardstick by which to measure one's level of success. My daughter is mixed race; her mother is a black African and I am a pasty white dude. It's funny that both of our children are in the same situation, culturally, as first generation children of immigrant mothers. Hmmnn. (This will come back to the point, I promise.) The cultural more in the Ashanti tribe says that you are unequivocally an Ashanti if your mother was Ashanti. This is because everything in their society is matrilineal, and you entered the world in Ashanti blood (the word for blood is "moja", and it indicates that spiritual aspect of your self that makes you unique- if your uniqueness is identifying itself then your "mojo" is working- small point of African influence in American music and delta culture). My daughter has been back to Ghana twice, as a baby and as a three-year-old. Though she is technically Ashanti she will never be allowed to fully assimilate, because she looks so different. When I got there last January my daughter was playing with her cousins at our house, speaking only Ashanti, and living as an Ashanti, but she was treated differently than all the other children. She was treated like a tiny queen, and will always be pampered and coddled by her aunties and grandparents. She is treated better than the locals, but cannot assimilate. This same preference for difference applies to adult relationships. Is that a success?
I am blowing my own horn by saying this, but I have had Irish, Ghanaians, Koreans, and kama'aina Hawai'ins tell me that I fit in their cultures better than other expatriates as well as passers-through (I guess the Arabs just didn't want to express their true feelings). In my mind this is because I actually tried to learn as much as I could about these cultures, including language and thought processes. For me, I considered myself a cultural success when I had gained acceptance regardless of the level of assimilation (sometimes I just couldn't bring myself to go along to get along- I believe women should have a voice). When I could sit in the mah jong parlor without getting the sidelong glances, or surf flat island without getting stink eye I felt like a success, I felt I belonged.
I wonder if the crew of the Bounty crossed a similar threshhold when they were in Tahiti, if they reached a point where they were more at home with their Polynesian wives adrift at sea than they could ever be back in England. Chicks always seem to go for the foreign guys...
Not that I am as extensively experienced in two places as you seem to be but I think to answer your question...Yes, one place hands social or other success over to you on a silver platter while another does not. I think it has to do more with the societal view of beauty and attractiveness. Your physical atributes may get you further in one culture than another, even your differences may work to your advantage. America has integrated so many cultures and different physical attributes into its society that most people (or maybe I should say, a lot of people because I can't substantiate saying most) don't see the differences as attractive or not. They are just different. Whereas other cultures with less integrated foreigners see the difference as glaring, either good or bad. So I think the social success in one culture or another is due to these differences but is based in the cultural view of beauty or attractiveness. And maybe it is Karma telling you where you fit in. But then again maybe it is just that they think you are a tourist somewhere and have less inhibitions about approaching a tourist than when approaching a native. Maybe it has something to do with the risk involved. If you approach a native and you get shot down, you might have to see them everyday for the rest of your life (if you both keep the same routine) but if you approach a tourist and get shot down they are bound to be going home in a couple weeks at the most.
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