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Monday, March 28, 2005

Upcoming gigs

I am playing this Friday at the Main Street Cafe in No. Easton center (Massachusetts.) It is a small, full restaurant and coffee house. Smoke-free and alcohol-free. 7-9pm. I am definitely nervous becasue I expect a fair number of musician friends, and I will be doing a lot of original material. I think I will post an anxiety log later. :)

Then, this Saturday (April 2) I am playing at Brennan's Blackthorne Tavern, from 9-12pm.

I hope to have a few free demo cd's to hand out at both gigs.

See you there?

Friday, March 25, 2005

Her email . . .

told me that she was an only child. Her father was Irish, and the only member of his family who lived in the States. The last few years of her mother's struggle and especially the time since her death had been difficult. She visited her father's family every summer, but she expressed a profound sense of isolation here, almost on her own in this country. At times the three thousand miles to Ireland seemed like three million. But, as my friend and I performed Irish music on St. Patrick's Day in class, she felt happy for the first time in the longest time. Suddenly Ireland, her family, happiness, seemed near. She sings in the high school choir, and that too had taught her how music had given her a powerful way to laugh, cry, and feel.

I spoke with her after getting the email and told her how happy I was that the music had touched her. I wanted to say so much more: I guess I just wanted to share similar experiences. But I left it at satisfied. Satisfied that she had come some distance in her grief, due in part to the music. I believe I will try to find some appropriate way, reading, writing, journal, for her to learn a little more about how she feels, and about what it means to be of two places. I don't feel qualified delving into loss, but I can certainly help, delving into the issues of place and the contentment of the self.

And I am certainly going to mention how important music has been to me. There was a period of about two years where I believe a seisiun on Sunday night and set dancing on Monday night were the only outlets that helped me hold things, barely, together. In fact, during the biggest crises of my life, if I had not had music I am not sure what I would have done.

The Irish in America are not immune to the pain of separation just because perhaps they blend in better. Or deny it.

Wednesday, March 23, 2005

On the Issue of Relevance

Assimilation. Alienation. "Outsiderness". Cultural belonging.

From the moment I started this blog I wondered about its relevance to Irish, Irish immigrant, and Irish American experience. Anything I have felt or experienced may be atypical. I incorrectly relate social, cultural, or ethnic issues to personal matters.

Feeling culturally marginal—or rather culturally alien, and at times assuming a willfully rejectionist stance—may have less to do with cultural experience than I would like, and more with personal emotional issues.

Certainly, the Irish are famous assimilators. And Irish Americans have managed to out American Americans. It is one of the most interesting tenets of Maureen Dezell’s excellent Irish America: Coming Into Clover that many of the traits we consider American were actually urban Irish immigrant qualities from the turn of the century.

I really wonder if the subject of feeling divided over identity or loyalty—Irish
and American--might not actually inspire violence from one in my peer group,
that is, first-generation (Irish) American with serious experience and ties to
the old country?

Isn’t fierce Americanism part and parcel of I/Am
culture?

Isn’t conformity important to I/Am
culture?

Doesn’t this culture shun and reject any whiff of
embarrassment, problem, or scandal? Isn’t failing to fit in embarrassing,
problematical? This is the culture still, of worry over
providing
neighbours and peers with a good perception of one's own personal matters
.”
Of
Squinting Windows
.
They wouldn’t tell you if your coat was on fire. There is
no elephant in the living room . . .


In the early 90’s I worked and played music in a bar owned by the late, lamented Tommy McGann. That wave of 80’s immigrants I worked with and for whom I helped fill out Donnelly visas for so that they might stuff the ballot box—I believe one bartender submitted 247 applications—this generation seemed easily, eagerly American.

And yet. And yet. Good assimilators, or good fakers? Is conformity a first-generation experience, or a third? I don’t know enough of those like me. I am still feeling a bit “so unique [that I] may be incapable of envisioning a peer group with whom [I] can relate."

And then after Saint Patrick’s Day, the day that I played music for my high school classes, I received an email from a student thanking me; thanking me for making her happy for perhaps the first time since her mother passed away almost two years ago. Her email shocked me, it reminded me so much of my own experience, and it proved for me that even in 2005, walking and talking under cover of American behavior, American dress, American accents, American appearance, are individuals who are first-generation, complex, divided, and sometimes confused—and some of them are Irish.

Her email . . .

Monday, March 21, 2005

St Pat's Weekend in Review

AS I sit at my desk in my classroom at school and type, my windows are open! Finally, perhaps Spring is in the air. When the last of the snow will finally melt is another matter.

As usual, the celebration of St. Patrick is for me not relegated to a day but rather involves the better part of the week--or at least weekend.

For the first time in at least ten years I didn't think I would be playing at my usual haunt, the Blackthorne Tavern, because of new ownership. The new owners didn't say if they were interested until very late. (Now it's Brennan's Blackthorne Tavern. www.brennansblackthornetavern.com)

I ended up booking a 4-pm gig in Framingham at Desmond O'Malley's on rt 9. A great bar! I had never been there before. It was packed by the time we started playing at about 4:15. We took one 5 minute break, finished at 7:10, and headed straight to the Blackthorne, where we played until about 12:10.)

Every year I play Irish music and sing in class, with the help of some generous friends. That started at 8:30 am, and went until 2:18, with an hour and a half off along the way.

Sooo. About 11 hours of playing and singing (And about 10 pints of Smithwicks and a few Jamesons thrown in for good measure?) Friday I had left free, so as not to die.

Saturday, I played a house party in Scituate, MA ($$$) from 7-11 with two other musicians, Eric and Amy (www.amybasse.com). Well, at 11pm, the host said he'd pay us another $300 for another hour's work. How can you refuse that? He wrote a check for, well, a lot, without blinking. The party was a huge success. We took no breaks . . . Another five hours of music.

Throw in teaching at the top of my lungs for hours every day. Everyone thinks I have a constant cold. I sound like Jerry Cruncher. Seven years of seisiun singing have strengthened my voice but I am beginning to wonder about damage to the old vocal cords. I'm not 25 anymore. Eh, wattid ya say?

17 wild rovers, 10 finnegan's wakes, 7 whiskey in the jars, 5 wild colonial boys, and oh yes the (Am)Irish have other songs, too.


Take index finger and commence rubbing across lips while making gurgling noise.

I actually love it. I really don't even believe in breaks. Breaks are for wimps and clock-punchers! Toughen up, sally boy. My cousin's band used to play three nights a week, for four hours a night, for eight years (plus three bottles of Dr. McGuillicutty's [sic].) And they worked day jobs. If you love what you do and you want to keep an audience, then PLAY.

Friday, March 18, 2005

Blogathon

Hi.
Here's a copy of a comment to this site, regarding a BLOGATHON. Sounds interesting.

Hi there
Im an Irish lass (from Galway) living in London and on April 17th im runnning the london marathon. In a bid to draw up some attention from the blog commnity I am holding a blog marathon on [the 1st of April. NO. This is not an April Fool's joke.] feel free to join in.

It is an opportunity to bring the blogging community together and also raise awareness of your blog.

Im writing mine on Everything Irish http://everythingirish.blogspot.com/

Check out http://blogmarathon.blogspot.com/ if you would like to join this blog marathon.

Spread the word!
Thanks Michelle


Good luck, Michelle!

Wednesday, March 16, 2005

An Irish-American History Lesson

Here's a link to a story that appeared last year on St. Patrick's Day. Author Thomas Fleming relates his experience in America with an IRA man during the late '40's that prompted him to consider his hyphenated, Irish-American status.

My interest in the story does not lie with IRA issues, but with Fleming's pat realization of his synthesized self. I'm afraid I don't know more about him than what is offered in the article, and Ialso don't know what synthesis is capable of occuring unless you have some real connection with another self, beyond last name, or relative. Lines like:

"At the same time we hope our children and grandchildren will experience the tremor of emotion many of us still feel when we read those lines by William Butler Yeats:

I am of Ireland...
The Holy Land of Ireland."

are exactly the kind of thing that can drive and Irishmen batty. Tremor of emotion from what, exactly, if the hyphen is the extent of your experience?

Please don't drink a green beer tomorrow.

Crankily yours . . .

Ghost Story From My Uncle

Hi.
I've been in Ireland visiting my uncle who is very ill, and I have had no motivation to post. Liam has been a combination uncle/grandfather/friend/mentor, and I'm just glad I got to see him for what we both knew will surely be the last time. However, it is St. Patrick's Day tomorrow, and I thought I would post a short ghostly story told to me by him, in his honor.

My uncle was a guard in Ireland, as was his father before him. He served for over thirty years during the middle-end of the 20th century, retiring in 1982, I believe. I also believe I am right in saying that guards could not serve within fifty miles of a relative, to avoid any hint of bias or small town politics getting in the way of their duty. Liam served in some God-forsaken remote backwaters. He is a treasure trove of stories and I remember one in particular about a little nowhere village where he served under a martinet of a sergeant. This sergeant would be sure to check on the poor guard who had to serve the overnight shift, rousting him out to walk the beat in the dead of night and early morning. In some of these places of course in the 50's there was not a preponderance of electric lights! The nights were black as pitch.

This story actually involves one of Liam's fellow guards. When the guards walked the length of the village and back, they would walk from brief pool of light to brief pool of light along the main road. In between was darkness. None of them of course thought the least of it.

This night however, yer man was out along his walk when, in between the pools he was sure he heard something behind him. He didn't want to imagine something but . . . he thought it sounded like a chain dragging along the ground.

He stopped. The chain stopped. Interested more than concerned, he began to walk again and came under an electric light. The chain had followed him when he started but now was silent as he peered into the blackness behind him.

Sure enough, as he headed off again the chain began to drag behind him again, loud and distinct now. He was not concerned! He feared a practical joke. But, he couldn't help but increase his pace, and he heard behind him the sharp increase in the chain's progress. The skin began to crawl along his arms and back and neck. The next pool of light was a hundred yards away. The chain was distinct, getting closer. He steeled himself against bolting, and refused to look behind him. He could hardly see his hand in front of his face.

In a fever he reached the next bright spot and wheeled around.

A goat, dragging its broken tether, appeared and meekly bleated at the fabulously relieved guard. The practical moral of Liam's story was how quickly that stretch of the main road would have become known as the Haunted Road, if that guard had fled, and reported his tale later.

Liam had seen and heard of many a strange thing in his career, and the Goat Ghost only served to enforce his natural and professional skepticism. I too have been on several dark stretches of Irish road, and I can say I was fervently in favor of experiencing nothing out of the ordinary. Little curiosity exists in me when I'm stuck in the dark in an ancient and all too suggestive land.

Wednesday, March 02, 2005

What Bernie Taught Me

I have six older brothers, and when I became a teenager I thought it best to learn to fight. I took boxing lessons and started boxing at a gym not far from my house. My hometown is famous for boxing, so there are plenty of places to box, if you are of a mind to do so. I boxed through high school, and when it came time to go away to college I boxed there too. I could go on for pages and pages about boxing, but this story isn’t solely about boxing, it is about a cross cultural experience at the basest level. This cross cultural experience stuck with me and really gave me more of an education than I had expected to get at UCC.

When I went to University College, Cork, I joined the boxing club. It took me a while to get around to it, but I knew that I eventually would. I took the time to sightsee and to do the more traditional things that exchange students do, and when it was time to settle into a routine I found the boxing club. To tell the truth, I took long hiatuses from the boxing in order to travel around and to spend time with new friends, but boxing was a worthwhile thing to do, if only for the lesson I learned during one bout.

I had befriended and been befriended by the captain of the boxing team, a guy named Trevor Hayes, who was a concert pianist and a pre-med student. Why he wanted to jeopardize his hands by boxing I’ll never know. He kept cajoling me at first to join the club, and when I had joined, to spar with the fighters. Boxing is what boxing is all about, so I sparred with the other guys, trying to keep to the coach’s guideline that bouts are won by points, and that fighters should focus on scoring points, not knocking the opponent unconscious. That’s the way it was while sparring.

We sparred quite frequently, at the end of the club’s training sessions, and if someone did not want to participate then he was not required to participate. After only a few sessions I noticed something that I never said aloud, and never would. I was a better boxer than eighty percent of the fighters there.

The coaching and the facilities were not up to the same par as the club’s U.S. counterparts. The club coaches in Brockton and at UMass had a tremendous amount of experience and expertise both in the ring themselves (which is important) and as expert observers (which is more important). The Irish club didn’t have a weight room or any of the equipment specific to a boxing training regimen, such as medicine balls, weighted gloves, or duck-ropes. Back home, thirty percent of the training time was spent reviewing and dissecting techniques, doing reflex exercises, and working to undo habits. In Ireland we worked out with callisthenics and abdominal exercises, did some bag work, and sparred.

It is easy to tell who does and does not have a lot of experience in the ring. The thing that you look for is coverage. Someone who has frequently been in boxing matches knows that the fighter gets hit the most when he is throwing a punch. An experienced boxer will offer as little of his body unprotected as possible, will keep his head down but eyes up (covering his neck), clenches his teeth properly, forcefully exhales while delivering, and can sustain a hit and still deliver a combination on rhythm.

When I sparred with the Irish guys they couldn’t hit me as much as they wanted to, and when they did, it didn’t satisfy them as much because they would get my shoulders, upper arms, or gloves more often than they’d get their targets. I would be able to put gloves on their score zones when they didn’t think I could, because the average Irish boxer at UCC stopped throwing punches when they were getting hit. At first they were surprised, but then they complimented me on my abilities by saying that they wanted to see me beaten. Trevor and I worked up to a match to decide who the best boxer in the club was, but that is a story for another time.

The UCC boxing club had a meet with a club from an agricultural school from Kerry. We trained for it and shared our secrets with each other like warriors going into battle. I told each of the guys what I noticed about them, what their “tells” were, and they shared with me. There was some discussion as to whether or not I would participate, some saying that because I was not a regular student I shouldn’t be included. That was fine with me. No matter what the coach said, I knew this meet would be bloody. This was a rivalry between entities that would not interact again for a year. The opponents had no impetus to restrain themselves, and neither did we.

I was put on the slate and the opposing club had no complaints, so I was assigned an opponent by weight class. We were the third bout, so I had the opportunity to look him over. His name was Bernie, and Trevor knew him from previous meets. According to Trevor he was a big dumb country boy who thought he should fight because he was strong. That gave me something to think about. Bernie was about six inches shorter than me, but he outweighed me by at least twenty pounds, and he was not at all fat. He looked like a hurdler that someone dropped an anvil on from twenty stories up. A true fireplug. I knew how to use reach, agility, and foot and hand speed to rack up points, but I had a strange feeling going into this bout.

It is normal to fear physical pain and injury. Anyone who does not fear pain and injury has a form of psychosis, which can cause the person to die prematurely. Boxers, the ones I knew anyway, had healthy doses of fear and nerves before bouts, but never to the point of debilitating the fighter. Again, this is a function of experience. When a boxer is new to the sport he may be preoccupied with injury and pain. Eventually, though, one learns that injury and pain are inevitable, and that preoccupying oneself with them increases one’s chances of sustaining injuries and feeling pain. So a boxer’s anxiety dims and fear becomes a background sense, more of a heightened sense of awareness than abject terror. I saw Bernie from that perspective, but I also had a different feeling. He looked like he had something to prove. He was cocky and arrogant. He had obviously worked on his considerable strength, and there was no getting around the fact that he was short. I was not the underdog. The gossip that flies around a meet must have come to Bernie; I had overheard “Yank” in the conversational buzz.

We watched the first two three round bouts and cheered on our club-mates. By the time we were stepping into the ring we were one hundred percent in the moment. We met in the middle of the ring and he was trying to make a point of appearing ferocious and hard-eyed. He fought me and I boxed him. I landed my gloves on him over and over as he tried to get close to me. I had conditioned him to expect head shots as he tried to get in range to land his own combos. I would score points on him and by the time he got under my reach I slipped the corner and was back in open ring. It frustrated him mightily, and he became predictable. I used his predictability to land some body blows on him to try to get his arms down, but they didn’t come down. In the second round I was fairly tired and I tried to give him more of the same, but my fleetness afoot left me for a while, and when I tried to lull him into reacting predictably enough to try to take his wind away with body shots he made me pay, big time. He caught me with a hook that physically moved me back in the boxed off corner. All the air in my body expulsed from the force of the blow and snot hung from my nose. I was lucky to keep my mouthpiece in. I was stunned long enough for him to bull his body straight into mine, forcing me against the rope (where he wanted me). He was able to unleash a combination that made best use of his strength and unleashed all of his frustration. I covered up as best I could, which was fairly well because I was no novice at getting my ass kicked, but he hammered my arms and trunk with a force I hadn’t experienced since my first year of boxing. I started to get that suffocating and underwater feeling. I had to get out of there, so I let myself take a hit to the ribs in order to land a blow to his face. A blow to the face often serves to disorient an opponent long enough to make an escape. It did, and I made my escape to open ring. I couldn’t breathe as deeply as before, my feet were flatter. I was hurt and the cajoling teams outside the ring became a roaring din.

I hated not being the underdog. I hated being singled out as a foreigner, and I hated the fact that Bernie had so much support. More than anything I feared Bernie’s strength. He bulled right back to meet me in the center of the ring and I didn’t try to be cute with combinations landing lightly to earn points. I hit him in the head very hard, over and over again. He was at first surprised, thinking perhaps that I couldn’t hit that hard simply because I had theretofore chosen not to. He pursued with more dogged persistence, and I met him and let him under my reach in order to land punishing blows on his head. Soon enough he became muddled, and his decision making faculties began to be compromised. I dropped my guard and delivered blow after blow, and I must admit that I was unsettled. The bell rang.

Trevor and the guys in my corner congratulated me on a good round and Trevor told me that I had to keep fighting my fight. The other guys were telling me to keep doing what I was doing. It entertained them, but Trevor was right. I said that Bernie hit like a bull, and Trevor told me to stay out of his reach. The bell rang, and I went back in.

Bernie had regained his wits and was fighting smart and well, if not cleanly. He committed the fouls of charging, head butting, and rabbit punching in a clinch, but he was doing everything he could to get under my reach and land body shots. I took a couple serious blows and I had my wind taken away. I feared that I would suffer a broken rib or worse. Bernie scared me early in the round, and I decided the best way to deal with the threat was to eliminate it. I decided that I would knock him out. I mustered a rally of my internal resources and rained some head shots on him to cloud his eyes and stuff up his nose. He had his hands up and he was facing where I was standing a moment before, expecting that I was still there. I waited an eternal moment and he did what I knew he would- he dropped his hands and looked up, looking for me. I had a clear and open shot to deliver a haymaker if I wanted to, to give him the coup de grace, and God forgive me, I did. I hit him as hard as I have ever hit anyone, a punishing blow to the left side of his jaw. The sound and tactile sensation were unforgettable, and sickening. I was flabbergasted when he punched back at me. By rights he should’ve been dead. I couldn’t believe it.

He turned toward me and I started to count off combinations. Jab, jab, cross, jab, out. Jab, cross, hook, hook, jab, out. I gave up trying to score; I gave up body blows altogether. The coach from the other club was berating me and the coach of our club. What kind of a savage was I? Would I be wielding a tomahawk in there next? I put it out of my mind. I had to drop Bernie before he hurt me seriously. I know Bernie had the sympathy because my blows were landing on his face and head, but his blows were more devastating to me than mine were to him. Blood came out of his nose, blood came out of contusions inside his cheeks and lips, and each blow would fleck blood on me and clinches were his opportunity to clear his eyes and face by wiping his blood on me in big smearing swaths. I became disgusted with myself and laid back to wait out the round and he pummelled my solar plexus and lights flashed in my peripheral vision. He had indicated that he was not amenable to allowing the bout to end without further gore. I resumed hammering his head until he fell over.

He sort of staggered to the left and it seemed as if he simply forgot to put his other foot down to keep himself up. He wound up sitting and leaning on his outstretched arms with his head hanging. A long gooey line of deep red blood and snot hung from his face. There was a mixture of horror and relief. I had unleashed the atavistic, reptile core of myself in the fight or flight reflex and it had taken over, but at least it was done. The danger stopped. Until Bernie started back to his feet.

Some of the members of his club cheered him on, but others advised him to stay down. By the time he got up the referee took a while before he started the standing eight count. I was about to chalk it up to home field advantage because he was Irish and I was not when I rethought that this was our club’s gym and that I was a home member. I wasn’t allowed to approach him, but from my corner I also advised him to stay down. I think he took it as an insult, when in fact it was good advice to a man I now respected. He got to eight and asked Bernie if he wanted to keep fighting, and he said he did.

I didn’t wait for him to meet me in the center of the ring. I went to him and resumed my effort to put him away. I spared nothing and I knocked him down again. He got up again and I kept at it. Eventually the bell rang, ending the bout. We went to our corners to regain ourselves and to receive our admonishments and congratulations. The scores were added to the teams’ totals and we left the ring. There were a couple of bouts after ours, but ours was the talk of the meet. By the time we left, Bernie looked as if he had been thrown under a truck. His face had begun to swell and the cuts that you could see became visible wounds, not just seeping nicks. No one could easily see my injuries, but I think I got the worst of it. I definitely bruised a rib if not cracked a rib and I couldn’t leave the house the next day. I felt it for weeks.

What Bernie taught me was that I could turn myself into an animal. I didn’t like it, and I quit boxing after that.